Grocery Shoppers’ ‘Super Bowl’
I really look forward to the Super Bowl each year. Not because it’s a time honored titanic struggle…a clash between two superior teams of finely honed athletes risking life and limb to achieve the zenith of athletic…
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2019 Christmas
Dear Family & Friends, To quote William Shakespeare’s Henry V: “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!” Henry V had an easier time dying from dysentery than the Franklin’s did surviving this year. In…
Be of Good Cheer for this Christmas Ornament Exchange
I had been invited to my very first Christmas ornament exchange party. I didn’t know anything about these parties, but it seemed like a harmless enough activity. I envisioned we ladies would have some wine, nibble…
It’s Christmas in April When Reality TV Comes Calling
My husband can’t say ‘no’ when reality TV comes knocking, which is how we found ourselves meeting with a producer for the Home and Garden TV show called Warm Weather, WhiteChristmas. The producers had needed one more…
Gone…in a Flash
Remember ‘flash mobs?’ They were a big deal amongst the younger, computer-connected set awhile back. For those of you who missed this phenomenon, ‘flash mobs’ involved individuals assembling at a designated public place, doing something random…
A Speech to a Friend on the Occasion of Her First Baby Shower
First, let me explain that when you have kids, the best look you’re going to have on the weekends is tired. That ‘just been fucked’ look? It’s now more like ‘Just fucked.’ It’s no coincidence that…
CEO of My Refrigerator
I’m not good at corporate finances. My husband explains spreadsheets to me using his “Nordstrom Postulate,” which is much silliness about what you’re really paying when you buy a dress on sale and use your credit…
My Laundro-Mate
For men, laundry is like a basketball game where they strip naked and, while scratching themselves around their private parts, attempt jump shots which land about a foot short of the laundry hamper. Which is pretty…
You Want Me to Help You with What?
There wasn’t a woman in America who was surprised by a medical report published in the British Journal of Urology International. The report said, and they were darn serious, that frequent masturbation could help protect against prostate cancer.…
Testosterone Broadcasting Network
I’ll be looking forward to Memorial and Veteran’s Days this year. These are traditionally an opportunity for us to honor our veterans and those who died in foreign wars. This is also an opportunity for what I…